Heart Check

By this time in my life, I should have been close to making six figures, riding in my black 911 (only on special occasions), and going on dinner dates with my boyfriend.

In reality, I’m counting the days until I get my college refund check, driving a reliable Chevrolet, and regrettably, the boyfriend part is to be determined.

Although my plans to live this elaborate lifestyle seemed practical, I realized that I didn’t have pure intentions. So, my deceitfulness forced me to reevaluate the motives of my heart. I needed help separating the desires of my ego from what God actually called me to do. A compelling quote by Steffany Gretzinger states, “You are most yourself when you are wrapped up in your purpose, not your position.” Of course, I still have goals and would love to be financially stable to drive my dream car; however, I was too consumed in materialism and failed at seeking God’s will for my life instead.

When I was wrapped up in my position, I constantly compared myself to others.  I felt like I needed to achieve my goals to provide validation for other people. Essentially to say, “I’m winning” in the most egotistical way. Clearly, a serious “heart check” was needed. How could I ask God for an overflow of blessings if my heart didn’t reflect the kind of person that deserved them?

Thankfully, my plans did not work, and the constant comparison to other people left me feeling even more inadequate or under-qualified for the positions I wanted in my life.

Once I shifted my focus to my purpose, I put God first. I asked him if the opportunities I sought after aligned with his plan for my life.”I, the Lord,  search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruits of his doing.” (Jeremiah 17:10, NKJV). I learned to come before God with a genuine heart and to boldly ask whatever wasn’t right within me, that he would strip it all away. Therefore, I could have more peace when my plans did not work because I knew that the Lord’s purpose would prevail.

Evaluating the motives of my heart allowed me to be more sincere in living a purpose driven life. Be glad that God knows us personally and searches our hearts, for we know that his plans gives up hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11).

“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9, NKJV)

With Love,

E.

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