Many of us have experienced painful situations where we have gotten our hearts broken.  Maybe you’ve been hurt by a relative, friend, or romantic partner. Maybe you’ve been through an unfortunate situation where you felt like everyone was against you. We’ve all experienced life’s hardships, but I’ve realized that during our struggles is when we grow the most.

For the purpose of this post, I’ll be sharing how I found my breakthrough after my romantic relationship ended. Here are some steps I took to overcome this difficult moment in my life that helped me grow spiritually and changed the way I perceived my situation.

1. Surrendering Your All

You’re hurt, angry, frustrated, confused, and all those emotions are valid, but before you try to figure out anything else, cry out to God. I always questioned God saying, “Why is this happening to me. I don’t understand,” BUT I also said, “God I trust you. I don’t know what’s going on, and I don’t want to anymore. I just trust you.” That’s it. Trust God wholeheartedly because though it may not seem like it, He is protecting you from harm that you aren’t even aware of.  Continue to hand your problems to God. We spend so many sleepless night worrying about our current situation, but God is already taking things we can’t even see. Praying for better days and worrying at the same time won’t work. My mom says, “worrying is like an insult to God”.  Be still and know that He is bigger than whatever you are facing. Overall, trust in your heart that God knows what’s best for you, and believe that He is always there for you as a way maker, keeper, healer, and comforter.

2. Realizing Your Worth

I am beautiful. I am intelligent. I am creative. Kind. Caring. Loving. I had to tell myself these things every day even when I felt like nothing. Any kind of heart break can leave you feeling defeated or less than. Along with encouraging yourself and realizing your beauty on the inside and out, begin to find your worth in Christ. God’s love is unfailing. No matter how upset you may feel, it is through his unconditional love, kindness, and grace that you’re in this current place in your life. Always remember that God only brings you trials to make you stronger. Continuously remind yourself of your worth. You are prized and loved so much that Jesus has died for you, and there is no other love that’s greater. Some people may not realize your true worth, and that is OK. Your worth is not determined by their opinion anyways. What God says about you is the only validation you need.

3. Mastering Forgiveness

I constantly prayed to God to help me forgive others. However, my thoughts and actions did not reflect my prayers. For a while, I was extremely angry and couldn’t look past anyone’s wrongs. I knew forgiving was the right thing to do, but I was not forgiving anyone genuinely from my heart. This is when I knew I had to be honest with God. I had to stop limiting my prayers and ask God to move and change things in my life to better myself. I asked God to speak to my heart, and take out anything in me that wasn’t right. I asked that HE remove my bitterness and anger and to make me more like Christ instead.  The bible says that Jesus tells us to forgive other believers seventy times seven times. Because I asked God to make me more like Christ,  I knew I couldn’t hold a grudge against anyone. Instead, I had to learn how to forgive, and let my actions reflect love by letting go of things that happened in the past.

Ultimately, you can experience freedom by forgiving others. Release yourself from the bondage of your past. Because we all have fallen short of the glory of God, we must realize that we are forgiven as well. You don’t have to keep replaying your past mistakes. Although I think it is easier said than done, you have to let it go. I could hardly forgive myself knowing that my actions did not reflect the light of Jesus, and I became consumed with the ways of the world. I felt shamed because I turned my back on God. This also made me realize that the same grace God has shown to me, I should show to others. I am not proud of my past mistakes. However, confessing my sins and realizing my debt was paid took a huge weight off of my shoulders, and this allowed me to be grateful for God’s mercy. Now, I was able to ask God to renew my mind, heart, and spirit. Finally letting go of the things I could no longer control and giving everything to God instead left me with an indescribable feeling of joy!!!

4. Attracting Positive Energy

Whenever I said or thought something negative, it was sure to come back around and slap me in the face. It didn’t take long for me to notice that I will manifest whatever I plant. Therefore, my negative thoughts of seeking revenge or being boastful to get the attentions of others soon failed because I wasn’t distributing any positive energy to receive it.

In this digital age, one of the first things we should do is be conscious of what we are sharing online. Don’t post anything humiliating or giving people the invitation to know your personal relationship with another individual. The main point of forgiving is letting go of the hurt someone or something has caused you. This means that you shouldn’t create judgement on their character through your choice of words or actions. Instead, speak words of kindness and love. This doesn’t make you weak, and this certainly doesn’t excuse their actions. However, we must remember that God is love. Therefore, broadcasting the mistakes someone has done by you is keeping tracks of wrongs, and there is absolutely no love in that. God doesn’t expose the mistakes we’ve made in our past. Instead, He covers our shame.  If we want to truly lead with love, we MUST show this through our actions. Don’t talk about the person. Pray for them. Pray that they grow closer to the Lord and that they put Him first in everything they do. Pray for their heart and that they seek wisdom in God’s word.

“Forget what happened in the past, and do not dwell on events from long ago. I am going to do something new. It is already happening. Don’t you recognize it? I will clear a way in the desert. I will make rivers on dry land.” (Isaiah 43: 18-19). Above all, fix your eyes on Jesus. Because we can become so stuck by looking at our past, we can miss the opportunities that God is trying to plant before us. The more you let go, the less you dwell on your past circumstances. Something that helped me the most in this step was thinking about my future. I continuously asked God to align me with the right people to help me walk into my purpose. Develop a sense of optimism so your perception on your current situation can change. More importantly, have FAITH that your situation will change! Don’t let the enemy constantly replay images of your past in your head. This can be difficult because we may create scenarios of what we could have said or done differently, but stand FIRM in your faith. Know that God is intentional, and He does not make any mistakes. Everything you’ve endured has molded you into the person He wants you to become. Move forward with hope knowing that Gods has plans especially made for you to prosper.

6. Thanking God for the Process

God  is the author of our lives, so he has already written and closed this chapter of your life. That should give you the confidence in your faith to know that if God brings you to a certain situation, He will definitely get through it. And yes! He will receive the glory in the end. Believe that everything is working out for your good. This process is Him preparing you for something greater, a blessing so grand that it’s out of your imagination. Hold on to God’s word. Keep standing firm in your faith. Then, one day without any doubts, you can look back and see how far you’ve come knowing why God had to take you through your heartbreak so you could step into the promises He has for your life. You thought you were uncomfortable before, but when you are finally walking in your purpose, even more things will change! You can achieve a new attitude and mindset, and people won’t understand you, but that is OK! They will wonder why you’ve changed, but really, you’ve been saved by grace. Trust that God is leading you into the right direction. After all, true growth begins where your comfort zone ends.

On a personal note, I am grateful for everything that has happened for me. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without my breakthrough. It was only by God’s grace that I could grow through my situation and become a better woman of faith in the end. These aren’t certified steps to guarantee your healing, but I pray that it helps you along the way. “And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

                                                            – With Love,

E.